For the past seven years of my life I have been planning forever with someone I thought would be there for me forever. We have been through hell and back, but somehow we always made it through the bad, until now. This person for the first time told me that he no longer loves me, those words were the most painful thing I have ever heard in my life. How could he love me one day, but not the next? I literally could not comprehend what was going on in my life. We planned a future together, not just a future, but a life together. I knew what the future held and it was comforting. I could not wait to spend the rest of my life with my high school sweetheart, it was everything I ever wanted since we first fell in love. But then life had other plans...
I knew it was going to happen before it happened with a single text "...But this might not be a great time but I want to talk about what we talked about the other day". At that moment, I was grasping for air, crying my eyes out, and wishing I could pause time. I needed to escape the moment. Rather then escaping reality, I called him up asking if he was going to break up with me, the response was devastating. The only thing in that moment I wanted was to talk in person, thinking maybe I could change his mind. But the truth is, I couldn't do anything about it. He not longer loved me and I cannot change how he feels.
Maybe I don't love him anymore or maybe I do, but what I do know is it hurts all the same. I feel like someone is shooting me in the heart over and over again. I cannot escape these awful feelings. I am both sad and angry, but mostly sad. I cannot grasp the concept that my forever is now nothing. Soon it will all just be a memory, but this breakup is different than all the others. Every other time I have had hope that we will find our way back to each other one way or another, but this time it feels like the end. Every other time if just felt like life was happening and we couldn't be together at that moment, but we always found our way back. Now it feels like the end of a life changing romance, leaving me empty inside.
I will never understand fully what happened to us. I will never see where the magic was lost because until the end, I still got those cheesy butterflies when I was with him. Every hour with him felt like a second and every moment without him felt like an eternity. He made me happy when no one else could, he was the brightest part to my day.
During this period in my life where I am feeling a little lost, I asked him to be there for me because I needed him. I needed him to be there for me, I needed a should to turn to when I was feel sad. Instead of giving me the love and support I need, he turned away. He no longer wanted to put effort into this relationship because we were no longer in the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship. He wants a romance that is never ending with passion and lust, but that is not reality.
A relationship requires work and effort all the time. No relationship will always be in the honeymoon stage forever. We are on two opposites of the spectrum when it comes to what we want. I guess he was right when he said we grew too much apart, we did. But with relationships there if effort, effort to show interest in one's hobbies, joys, friends, and interests. People don't fall in love because of they share the love for the same food and music. I will not forget that he said "we not longer connect on an emotional and attractive level, but only on a mental level. The mental level comes from friendship, not being your boyfriend"; but isn't that what you want? A romance that develops from friendship, I believe that friendship is the base of any relationship. Don't you want to be in a relationship with your best friend? I do.
Despite being broken and angry, I don't regret anything. I will never forget the good times. The times I spent with him shaped me as a person and made me who I am today. I will forever be thankful for all the times of happiness and all the love there was for a time. But now, I am ready for a new adventure. I am ready to finally be done with the past and move on. I want something great, a love that returns the love I am ready to give someone else. So look out world, I am coming for you.
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