Stages: I'm Angry

   Everyone has their different ways of dealing with a breakup.  Some people ignore the situation, others sink into depression, other binge eat or don't eat, etc.  Personally, I go through different stages: sad, numb, confused, angry and then maybe happy (much later)... I would say that I go through my stages rather quickly.  Right now I am between sad, confused and angry, but mostly angry. I am so bleeping angry! I don't understand how someone could do this to me AGAIN. Not only again, but after I said to think about how they feel before we start anything.
    Honestly, I did not want to start things again so soon.  I thought we needed to evaluate our feelings, but I was assured that there was no need to worry.  I was told this time was the last time and it was all falling into place, so I went with it... I went into the relationship with my whole heart, with all my effort, and all my energy.  I was ready for the adventure, but not the heartache to follow...
   I feel like someone ripped out my heart and stepping on it over and over again.  I don't understand how someone could plan a future and then just "fall" out of love overnight.  My confusion is making me so mad and I don't know how to deal with it.  So I am sorry if you are a friend or family member of mine right now... Everyone in my life right now is getting my rage because I am just so angry at the world.  I cannot just be happy right now, I cannot pretend nothing happened, and I cannot always put on a smile.  I just want to scream and throw a fit, which is why I started running again.  Running is the perfect way to relieve such angry...
   All my friends and family have been very supportive, but it makes me even more sad sometimes... It makes me think about what I just lost and how my plans for a lifetime have fallen through.  Instead of thinking about how it will get better over time, I like to keep busy instead.  I don't want to obsess over something I cannot change...  Dealing with an unexpected breakup is like dealing with death; it is unexpected and devastating.  There is nothing I can do about it, which sucks because I want to be in control.
   I feel like everyone thinks they know what I am going through right now, but they don't.  Every break up is different and no one will ever be able to put themselves in my shoes.  Every relationship is different, which means every break up is different. I get a lot of "you can do better" or "he was an asshole", but no one understands the relationship we had and how special it was to me.  When we talk about our relationships we tell our friends all the bad and leave out all the good, so of course I would expect the reactions I received.  But when I think back on the relationship, I only think of the good.  It makes me sad that people could not see that and how truly happy I was in the moment.
    Honestly, I can't remember one bad memory from the last try.  I thought this was forever... I am still confused to what changed and when it changed.  I would normally see the signs of fights and disagreement, but this time there was nothing...  I was so caught off guard by these words.  This confusion leads to thinking of questions, which leads to my anger because I don't know the answers.  
    Most of us want some type of closure, but I don't think that there ever is complete closure.  I think we will always wonder what happened, what we could have done differently, if there was someone else, etc.  It is sad, but true.  So this is where I am... Pissed.